So, it is finished; I made it through my challenge - Lent on a Food Bank budget. My first visit to the Co-op after the challenge was strange. And yes, to the right wing cynic who criticised me for holding on to the values of ethical shopping, I managed to keep to my convictions. Just as I did all those years ago when I was unemployed and living in Yorkshire. The poor have the right to principles, too, it just costs them more.
That visit was strange because Lent is a long enough period to become accustomed to a change and suddenly I was free of the self imposed constraints and the liberation was not all positive. I experienced a range of emotions from a flatness that it was over to an embryonic, anxious frenzy that, left unchecked, could have taken me into a huge shopping spree. These emotions were real, even though the imposed poverty was not. There is something about taking on the reality of others that is 'magic' in the way that any story is magic because the experience makes it true.
And this is the magic of the Easter story, too. It is not in the recounting of historical events that we are transformed, but in the hearing of the story which touches our stories. For me, the cross has never been about atonement; it's not the whole 'Jesus died for my sins' thing. This is an understanding of the events that is precious to many, but for me misses the point.
'It is finished' ; the very worst has been done, the cycle of abuse has been halted and love has, ultimately, won; not in an egotistical, vain and pompous sense, but in soaking up all that is dark and negative and arrogant and replacing it with all that is light and positive and humble. Because it is finished, it is possible to walk away, to let go, to move on.
But Easter is NOT a 'happy ending'. Jesus still has the scars of crucifixion, still remembers the betrayal and denial, the torture and the agonising death. Everything has changed, even when it appears to be the same. He is back with his friends and they still love each other, but there is a space in their loving that will forever be a scar; a beautiful scar that speaks of love, but a scar nonetheless. Even though Mary has her Jesus back after the agony of losing him, she can't hold onto him forever. Even though Peter is given the chance to put things right after denying him, he will spend the rest of his life making sure he never lets him down again.
It's no more of a happy ending than any story of a marriage begun again after infidelity, or the painful new life after bereavement. But in this story that has come to be called The Easter Story, is a great truth; that it is only when we become lost that we can be found, when we know real fear that we are truly brave and when our hearts have been broken, that we can really love.
When the story of Easter meets our own stories, nothing is ever the same again, but we carry on living; wounded but whole, lost but found, broken-hearted but lovers.
Eva
Eva McIntyre
Monday, 21 April 2014
Wednesday, 16 April 2014
Holy Week Blues
We're mid way through Holy Week now and this morning we walked through the installation I've set up in St Michael's Church. A bit like 'the stations of the cross' but instead of pictures or statues, hints of human activity that tell the parts of the story of the last week of Jesus' life. Beside the crucifixion area, we have the collection box for the Food Bank.
I cannot separate out current suffering from past suffering - perhaps it's the influence of so many Latin Americans I met through my work with Christian Aid; they see the agony of Jesus on the cross as their agony and struggle. They say they are 'Good Friday People' because Easter has not yet come; they have not experienced resurrection in their lives, communities and countries.
I remember a post card from Margaret Thatcher's time as Prime Minister; Jesus in dungarees with a badge saying '3 million' and the caption 'They won't employ me, either'. That's how I feel now; that the poor have been sacrificed, crucified while the wealthy sit down to expensive meals and good wine. It makes me feel sick. And I am glad that I am not financially wealthy because I'm sure that I, like most rich people today, would find it very difficult to part with my wealth. I'd salve my conscience with donations and sponsorship. I'd spend it nobly on expensive charity dinners (that's the way Charities get the money of the rich, isn't it?!) and speak noble words. But I'd still be too comfortable, too sated, too self-absorbed. I'd be like that rich young man who meets Jesus in the bible story; I wouldn't be able to take the risk of giving up my wealth to find true riches. I'd be disconnected from my soul and from the souls of my fellow human beings, and from the souls of the rest of the creatures on this planet. I would be half living. Cutting myself off from the parts of me and you that are too difficult to look at; like how I can spend money on a treat for myself while thousands are hungry, thirsty, naked.....'Lord I don't want to know when I saw you and walked past'.
Charity is not enough; I don't just mean not enough because there is too little of it, but not enough because it makes people beholden, denies them their dignity. What we need is justice. We need the vision of the Magnificat, the song given to young, pregnant Mary to sing in Luke's Gospel.
"He has cast the mighty from their thrones and raised up the humble and meek.
He has filled the hungry with good things and the rich he has sent empty away."
I seem to be reading a different Bible from the one our current Government has.
But never mind because I can defiantly sing with Mary,
"He has shown the strength of his arm, he has scattered the proud in their conceit."
It is time for thinking differently; when we celebrate Easter this weekend, we can only sing a broken Alleluia because too many in the UK and around the world are left at Good Friday with no ability to see how resurrection can happen in their lives.
I cannot separate out current suffering from past suffering - perhaps it's the influence of so many Latin Americans I met through my work with Christian Aid; they see the agony of Jesus on the cross as their agony and struggle. They say they are 'Good Friday People' because Easter has not yet come; they have not experienced resurrection in their lives, communities and countries.
I remember a post card from Margaret Thatcher's time as Prime Minister; Jesus in dungarees with a badge saying '3 million' and the caption 'They won't employ me, either'. That's how I feel now; that the poor have been sacrificed, crucified while the wealthy sit down to expensive meals and good wine. It makes me feel sick. And I am glad that I am not financially wealthy because I'm sure that I, like most rich people today, would find it very difficult to part with my wealth. I'd salve my conscience with donations and sponsorship. I'd spend it nobly on expensive charity dinners (that's the way Charities get the money of the rich, isn't it?!) and speak noble words. But I'd still be too comfortable, too sated, too self-absorbed. I'd be like that rich young man who meets Jesus in the bible story; I wouldn't be able to take the risk of giving up my wealth to find true riches. I'd be disconnected from my soul and from the souls of my fellow human beings, and from the souls of the rest of the creatures on this planet. I would be half living. Cutting myself off from the parts of me and you that are too difficult to look at; like how I can spend money on a treat for myself while thousands are hungry, thirsty, naked.....'Lord I don't want to know when I saw you and walked past'.
Charity is not enough; I don't just mean not enough because there is too little of it, but not enough because it makes people beholden, denies them their dignity. What we need is justice. We need the vision of the Magnificat, the song given to young, pregnant Mary to sing in Luke's Gospel.
"He has cast the mighty from their thrones and raised up the humble and meek.
He has filled the hungry with good things and the rich he has sent empty away."
I seem to be reading a different Bible from the one our current Government has.
But never mind because I can defiantly sing with Mary,
"He has shown the strength of his arm, he has scattered the proud in their conceit."
It is time for thinking differently; when we celebrate Easter this weekend, we can only sing a broken Alleluia because too many in the UK and around the world are left at Good Friday with no ability to see how resurrection can happen in their lives.
Saturday, 12 April 2014
No Cause for celebration
I was feeling rather positive today when I set out to the Co-op to do my shop. The experience of juggling the budget and the feelings engendered by it, soon had my mood plummeting and instead of the planned trip to Hopley's Farm Shop to pick up some fruit and veg, I headed home unable to face any more shopping.
It's not the food that's the problem; if challenged, we could all cut our food budget and still eat healthily and creatively. It's all the other stuff that we need to get by. This week I needed toothpaste, oil and loo rolls. I hesitated in the aisle with the washing liquid in; the economy brand wasn't there and I found myself deciding to eek out the little left and wait until next week to replace that. By the time I'd bought the few items on my list, I headed to the checkouts - knowing I'd got around £25 worth of items in the trolley, even though there weren't many items. It's the 'other stuff' that's expensive. I paused to think about what I was going to eat over the next few days, as I knew I was out of vegetables. I still had some chick pea stew in the fridge that would do for today and if I saved a bit for tomorrow, it could go with that single baking potato I'd put in the trolley. I headed over towards the veg; mushrooms (bargain price) could be used for a risotto, and two large carrots could go with the red lentils I'd picked up to make a soup that would cover 3 lunches. I knew there was a tin of tomatoes and some pasta at home, so I could get a meal out of that. So off to the checkout!
Something that makes me angry is this; that the poorest people here are forced into exploiting people who are even poorer around the world. The cheaply priced items are so often produced in pitiful conditions by people who are paid less than £1 a day; we know this - whether we choose to think about it or not. Those of us who are able to pay for Fair Trade, environmentally friendly products that are not tested on animals can live with cleaner consciences. This is a 'luxury' denied to the poor along with the tempting items placed close to the checkouts.
There is only one week left of my challenge; Easter is a week away. Yet, I can't look at the end of this challenge with the kind of glee and celebration that I might had I given up chocolate, for example. A chilling thing that Jesus is quoted as saying is 'The poor will always be with you.' A fact of life because the greedy and self seeking will always rise to the top, whatever political persuasion is in power. Those who are unable to help themselves will always end up at the bottom. I wonder what kind of mental acrobatics those receiving massive bonuses have to engage in, in order to sleep at nights. Surely, they can't all be high functioning psychopaths and sociopaths with little capability for empathy? Can anyone justify a 'need' for more than the 'one' million?? Well, at least we're all equal when we exit this life, even if we can't grasp this truth while we're alive.
Tonight, in this country, people will go to bed hungry. They will be cold because, unlike me, they won't be able to put the heating on when the evening chill sets in. There is enough food in the UK to feed them. There is enough wealth to pay their fuel bills.
Across the world today, more than 20,000 children have died because of hunger and thirst. Lack of food and safe drinking water. We have the technology to change this, but we don't. They are poor because we are rich; we are rich because they are poor.
I can't look forward to celebrating the end of this challenge because I am ashamed by the reminder of these uncomfortable truths. If Easter celebrates resurrection: hope in the midst of despair, life out of death and light in darkness, Easter cannot come until ALL are seated at the table.
It's not the food that's the problem; if challenged, we could all cut our food budget and still eat healthily and creatively. It's all the other stuff that we need to get by. This week I needed toothpaste, oil and loo rolls. I hesitated in the aisle with the washing liquid in; the economy brand wasn't there and I found myself deciding to eek out the little left and wait until next week to replace that. By the time I'd bought the few items on my list, I headed to the checkouts - knowing I'd got around £25 worth of items in the trolley, even though there weren't many items. It's the 'other stuff' that's expensive. I paused to think about what I was going to eat over the next few days, as I knew I was out of vegetables. I still had some chick pea stew in the fridge that would do for today and if I saved a bit for tomorrow, it could go with that single baking potato I'd put in the trolley. I headed over towards the veg; mushrooms (bargain price) could be used for a risotto, and two large carrots could go with the red lentils I'd picked up to make a soup that would cover 3 lunches. I knew there was a tin of tomatoes and some pasta at home, so I could get a meal out of that. So off to the checkout!
Something that makes me angry is this; that the poorest people here are forced into exploiting people who are even poorer around the world. The cheaply priced items are so often produced in pitiful conditions by people who are paid less than £1 a day; we know this - whether we choose to think about it or not. Those of us who are able to pay for Fair Trade, environmentally friendly products that are not tested on animals can live with cleaner consciences. This is a 'luxury' denied to the poor along with the tempting items placed close to the checkouts.
There is only one week left of my challenge; Easter is a week away. Yet, I can't look at the end of this challenge with the kind of glee and celebration that I might had I given up chocolate, for example. A chilling thing that Jesus is quoted as saying is 'The poor will always be with you.' A fact of life because the greedy and self seeking will always rise to the top, whatever political persuasion is in power. Those who are unable to help themselves will always end up at the bottom. I wonder what kind of mental acrobatics those receiving massive bonuses have to engage in, in order to sleep at nights. Surely, they can't all be high functioning psychopaths and sociopaths with little capability for empathy? Can anyone justify a 'need' for more than the 'one' million?? Well, at least we're all equal when we exit this life, even if we can't grasp this truth while we're alive.
Tonight, in this country, people will go to bed hungry. They will be cold because, unlike me, they won't be able to put the heating on when the evening chill sets in. There is enough food in the UK to feed them. There is enough wealth to pay their fuel bills.
Across the world today, more than 20,000 children have died because of hunger and thirst. Lack of food and safe drinking water. We have the technology to change this, but we don't. They are poor because we are rich; we are rich because they are poor.
I can't look forward to celebrating the end of this challenge because I am ashamed by the reminder of these uncomfortable truths. If Easter celebrates resurrection: hope in the midst of despair, life out of death and light in darkness, Easter cannot come until ALL are seated at the table.
Friday, 4 April 2014
Sacred hospitality
On Wednesday a colleague arrived unexpectedly just as I was making my lunch. I had run out of all my veg and was stretching what I had until my next shop. He was embarrassed and protested that I shouldn't worry about feeding him. Hospitality is sacred to me - probably the Celtic blood - and I couldn't possibly not offer him food. I would normally have spare food in the fridge or cupboard to concoct something on such occasions but of course, the cupboard was bare. I didn't even have any bread. So I eked out the soup I'd planned to have for supper followed by the pasta I'd cooked for lunch and we both had enough. It reminded me of the Jewish saying 'Just enough is plenty'. My colleague had forgotten about my Lent challenge and said he felt guilty but I think he cheered up quickly enough.
Sharing food is an essential part of our lives together in human families and society. Eating together, both for host and guest, creates a bond and changes our relationships. My ancestors were with the MacDonalds at Glencoe. Like other stories of brutality, what is most disturbing is the fact that the perpetrators had accepted hospitality; the violation of hospitality is a sacrilege in all ancient societies. It is, of course, the real sin of Sodom and Gomorrah that the sacred bond and duty of hospitality is violated ; it has been wrongly claimed for too long that this story is about homosexuality.
To keep people in poverty, to deny them the basics of life - enough food, adequate shelter and sufficient warmth- is immoral on many levels. One of those levels is to deny them the right to offer hospitality, which is to diminish their humanity. I have visited areas of the world where sacrificial hospitality has been offered to me from those living in poverty, so important is it to them to offer a fellow human being the basics of life. The more sacrificial the hospitality, the more affecting it is.
As I did my shop this week, I way aware of things that I would have liked to buy and couldn't: there were things like washing up liquid that needed replacing, so the items of food had to be adjusted to allow the money to suffice. This is the constant reality of some people living amongst us, to constantly battle with buying what can make a healthy meal as well as fitting the budget. The monotony of eating the same things and treats being out of the question week in, week out is life draining and diminishing. Watching others enjoy the simple extra pleasures that you are denied makes one feel of less value: a mistake that we value ourselves too often by what we have, not who we are.
There are two weeks left of my challenge but I know that I can't simply go back to my old way of shopping: this experience will stay with me for a long time. We all have to exercise an element of denial to carry on living a financially privileged life (whether like me you have a modest but adequate income or you have significant wealth) as countless people in the UK and across the world struggle to make it through the day or the week. I remember a visit to Tegucigalpa in Honduras some years ago. I stood in the road in front of some houses, looking at the view beyond. The backdrop to the city was a large shanty town with makeshift houses, no sewerage, water or electricity. In front of me were expensive houses surrounded with high security fences and protected by armed guards and dogs. In the front of one yard was a car with a bumper sticker saying "Jesus es Señor de Tegucigalpa" which translates as "Jesus is Lord of Tegucigalpa" . I found myself wondering what kind of theological gymnastics make it possible to come out with such a statement and to live in such wealth while overlooking such poverty! But in reality, it's what we all do every day of our lives, it's just that the poor don't live next door, so we can 'forget' them more easily.
Eva
Sharing food is an essential part of our lives together in human families and society. Eating together, both for host and guest, creates a bond and changes our relationships. My ancestors were with the MacDonalds at Glencoe. Like other stories of brutality, what is most disturbing is the fact that the perpetrators had accepted hospitality; the violation of hospitality is a sacrilege in all ancient societies. It is, of course, the real sin of Sodom and Gomorrah that the sacred bond and duty of hospitality is violated ; it has been wrongly claimed for too long that this story is about homosexuality.
To keep people in poverty, to deny them the basics of life - enough food, adequate shelter and sufficient warmth- is immoral on many levels. One of those levels is to deny them the right to offer hospitality, which is to diminish their humanity. I have visited areas of the world where sacrificial hospitality has been offered to me from those living in poverty, so important is it to them to offer a fellow human being the basics of life. The more sacrificial the hospitality, the more affecting it is.
As I did my shop this week, I way aware of things that I would have liked to buy and couldn't: there were things like washing up liquid that needed replacing, so the items of food had to be adjusted to allow the money to suffice. This is the constant reality of some people living amongst us, to constantly battle with buying what can make a healthy meal as well as fitting the budget. The monotony of eating the same things and treats being out of the question week in, week out is life draining and diminishing. Watching others enjoy the simple extra pleasures that you are denied makes one feel of less value: a mistake that we value ourselves too often by what we have, not who we are.
There are two weeks left of my challenge but I know that I can't simply go back to my old way of shopping: this experience will stay with me for a long time. We all have to exercise an element of denial to carry on living a financially privileged life (whether like me you have a modest but adequate income or you have significant wealth) as countless people in the UK and across the world struggle to make it through the day or the week. I remember a visit to Tegucigalpa in Honduras some years ago. I stood in the road in front of some houses, looking at the view beyond. The backdrop to the city was a large shanty town with makeshift houses, no sewerage, water or electricity. In front of me were expensive houses surrounded with high security fences and protected by armed guards and dogs. In the front of one yard was a car with a bumper sticker saying "Jesus es Señor de Tegucigalpa" which translates as "Jesus is Lord of Tegucigalpa" . I found myself wondering what kind of theological gymnastics make it possible to come out with such a statement and to live in such wealth while overlooking such poverty! But in reality, it's what we all do every day of our lives, it's just that the poor don't live next door, so we can 'forget' them more easily.
Eva
Tuesday, 25 March 2014
No, it's not a diet!
It's been such a busy week and I apologise that my blog entries have been a bit sparse!
Yesterday, my dear friend and colleague, Sheila, had her 90th birthday and held an open house in the afternoon. It was lovely to drop round for half an hour. Sadly, I couldn't stay longer because of a meeting. (By the way, I succeeded in staying within budget for her gift by finding a lovely woven goose planter on special offer at a small garden centre and planting it up with ivy and miniature daffodils! He was well received!)
Someone at the meeting had seen the article in The Shuttle and asked me how the challenge was going. When he heard I'd just been on the receiving end of 'free cake' at Sheila's party, he announced, "but you can't have cake on your diet!" "But I'm not on a diet; I'm on a budget!" I replied and two colleagues interjected gleefully, "and it was FREE cake!"
That's the thing about Lent, I suppose; we've got so used to it being an excuse for losing weight or testing our ability to give up chocolate or wine that it's become about Diet for many people. My cousin who shows willpower on a cast iron scale during Lent; testing her resolve on the 'main players' in her diet, ruefully said to me, I hope you don't lose more weight than me on this challenge or I'll be going on holiday with a skinny cousin and be feeling fat. Well no danger of that when there's free cake to be had!
Actually, it's not just cake. Our fab primary school - Wilden All Saints - achieved an outstanding Ofsted and there was a celebratory meal last week. The Head rushed over and said, "Eva must get first turn at the buffet, she must be starving!" The solidarity is heart warming but I'm not wasting away. I am eating more thoughtfully and snacking between meals has been eradicated almost
completely. You don't buy those sorts of things on this sort of budget. Well except when you're feeling a bit low and have a weak moment. Like at the farm shop on Friday. I decided to forego some spinach and an aubergine and buy a large bag of lentil crisps and some chocolate. Then I pigged out on them at home and cheered myself up.
I remember from my time working for Christian Aid, that some people seemed to think that poor people ought to be more virtuous than rich people. As though by having little money, the poor are duty bound to a level of financial responsibility from which the rich are exempt. If it's a matter of using money justly and responsibly, surely the responsibility increases, the more of the stuff you have!
We have become so bound by our financial institutions, that we have forgotten that money is, in reality, nothing : simply a token, symbol, method of exchange. It has no worth in or of itself. Yet it has become a primary driver in our lives. We define a person's value by how much of the stuff they
have and the things they can get with it. We have forgotten what is really important and that, no matter how much money we have, we can't buy the truly valuable things in life. That's why I'm spending Lent on a budget and not a diet.
Eva
Yesterday, my dear friend and colleague, Sheila, had her 90th birthday and held an open house in the afternoon. It was lovely to drop round for half an hour. Sadly, I couldn't stay longer because of a meeting. (By the way, I succeeded in staying within budget for her gift by finding a lovely woven goose planter on special offer at a small garden centre and planting it up with ivy and miniature daffodils! He was well received!)
Someone at the meeting had seen the article in The Shuttle and asked me how the challenge was going. When he heard I'd just been on the receiving end of 'free cake' at Sheila's party, he announced, "but you can't have cake on your diet!" "But I'm not on a diet; I'm on a budget!" I replied and two colleagues interjected gleefully, "and it was FREE cake!"
That's the thing about Lent, I suppose; we've got so used to it being an excuse for losing weight or testing our ability to give up chocolate or wine that it's become about Diet for many people. My cousin who shows willpower on a cast iron scale during Lent; testing her resolve on the 'main players' in her diet, ruefully said to me, I hope you don't lose more weight than me on this challenge or I'll be going on holiday with a skinny cousin and be feeling fat. Well no danger of that when there's free cake to be had!
Actually, it's not just cake. Our fab primary school - Wilden All Saints - achieved an outstanding Ofsted and there was a celebratory meal last week. The Head rushed over and said, "Eva must get first turn at the buffet, she must be starving!" The solidarity is heart warming but I'm not wasting away. I am eating more thoughtfully and snacking between meals has been eradicated almost
completely. You don't buy those sorts of things on this sort of budget. Well except when you're feeling a bit low and have a weak moment. Like at the farm shop on Friday. I decided to forego some spinach and an aubergine and buy a large bag of lentil crisps and some chocolate. Then I pigged out on them at home and cheered myself up.
I remember from my time working for Christian Aid, that some people seemed to think that poor people ought to be more virtuous than rich people. As though by having little money, the poor are duty bound to a level of financial responsibility from which the rich are exempt. If it's a matter of using money justly and responsibly, surely the responsibility increases, the more of the stuff you have!
We have become so bound by our financial institutions, that we have forgotten that money is, in reality, nothing : simply a token, symbol, method of exchange. It has no worth in or of itself. Yet it has become a primary driver in our lives. We define a person's value by how much of the stuff they
have and the things they can get with it. We have forgotten what is really important and that, no matter how much money we have, we can't buy the truly valuable things in life. That's why I'm spending Lent on a budget and not a diet.
Eva
Thursday, 20 March 2014
The limitations and the questions
The store cupboard is looking increasingly bare, so now the budget needs to be replacing some of the basics as well as the perishable items. I'm having to think about what I'm going to cook over the next days before I do another shop and I will need to stick to those recipes if the food is to cover the days. I'm doing two things that appear to be opposites: I'm having to shop more regularly for things like milk and orange juice because I can't afford to buy in bulk - but for everything else, I'm shopping less often, stretching it out until it's all gone. This reminds me of when I was unemployed for a year and learnt the practice of going to the market half an hour before closing time when everything was cheaper and my money would stretch further. But markets are a thing of the past in this area. Supermarket 'reduced' shelves aren't anywhere near the same thing; that's just what they want to get rid off before the date runs out. Not across the board savings.
There's something else that's kept me away from the shops this week, too: two birthdays. For one, a family member, I bought a couple of small gifts over the internet a while ago but the postage and card still came to almost £6. The other gift I have yet to buy. I'm into this challenge now and I don't want to break it so this is a challenge; it's a special 90th birthday so I'm going to need to think creatively to come up with something special within my budget: now £27 for the week and I've run out of vegetables and fruit.
One of the limitations of poverty in a world founded on wealth and possessions is that it creates a false sense that the poor have no gifts to give. That they cannot - and should not - spend some of the little they have to give gifts to others. If you are cast in the role of the one who receives but cannot give, you are diminished, belittled. Anything that makes the poor smaller, makes us all smaller. That awful budget bingo add was a case in point (what were they thinking?? No, I don't really want to know) as it caricatured the 'working class' and thereby put them in their place within the old class system! The poor have the right to give gifts, too, and without those gifts society is poor indeed. Swaggering sated on too much food and drink, weighed down with too many possessions and numbed by substances, habits and coping strategies that ensure we can avoid the question 'what is life really all about it?'
People have been asking me whether I'm hungry. It's funny but it takes me by surprise when they do. I have to think about the question. No I'm not hungry, but I'm not overly sated, either. I register, when I'm asked to think about it, that my attitude to food has changed. I'm eating what I need, not what I fancy. I'm eating when I'm hungry, not when it's the right time. I'm training myself to expect less.
I also notice that on the days when I eat in a balanced and health conscious way, I don't crave anything; chocolate, salt etc so when I do crave these things, I realise it's because of an imbalance in my diet. But more than my attitude to food is changing; a deeper question is rising within me, not yet fully articulated but it is a question that is changing my life.
There's something else that's kept me away from the shops this week, too: two birthdays. For one, a family member, I bought a couple of small gifts over the internet a while ago but the postage and card still came to almost £6. The other gift I have yet to buy. I'm into this challenge now and I don't want to break it so this is a challenge; it's a special 90th birthday so I'm going to need to think creatively to come up with something special within my budget: now £27 for the week and I've run out of vegetables and fruit.
One of the limitations of poverty in a world founded on wealth and possessions is that it creates a false sense that the poor have no gifts to give. That they cannot - and should not - spend some of the little they have to give gifts to others. If you are cast in the role of the one who receives but cannot give, you are diminished, belittled. Anything that makes the poor smaller, makes us all smaller. That awful budget bingo add was a case in point (what were they thinking?? No, I don't really want to know) as it caricatured the 'working class' and thereby put them in their place within the old class system! The poor have the right to give gifts, too, and without those gifts society is poor indeed. Swaggering sated on too much food and drink, weighed down with too many possessions and numbed by substances, habits and coping strategies that ensure we can avoid the question 'what is life really all about it?'
People have been asking me whether I'm hungry. It's funny but it takes me by surprise when they do. I have to think about the question. No I'm not hungry, but I'm not overly sated, either. I register, when I'm asked to think about it, that my attitude to food has changed. I'm eating what I need, not what I fancy. I'm eating when I'm hungry, not when it's the right time. I'm training myself to expect less.
I also notice that on the days when I eat in a balanced and health conscious way, I don't crave anything; chocolate, salt etc so when I do crave these things, I realise it's because of an imbalance in my diet. But more than my attitude to food is changing; a deeper question is rising within me, not yet fully articulated but it is a question that is changing my life.
Saturday, 15 March 2014
For and Against
I knew when I started this Lent Challenge that I would evoke a response in people. I'd be lying if I said it wasn't one of the points in doing it. Already, two starkly different types of response have begun to emerge. Put simply; For and Against.
My MP, Mark Garnier, was asked for his comments by The Shuttle when they carried the story of this Blog and its challenge. I have to hand it to him that he didn't take the disengenuous option of commending my efforts and thereby win himself brownie points with the Churches and other campaigners. Although, being truthful, I wonder whether that actually occurred to him, put on the spot as he was. I sense an irritation in his sweeping aside of my efforts with what appears to be a patronising comment. I suppose it is irritating when the Vicar does something that shines a negative spotlight on your Government's policies and you have to respond to it.
A few others have followed suit; apparently, I belong to the 'chattering classes' -whatever those really are - and I don't have a clue about the reality of those living in poverty. They clearly haven't read my Blog or they'd know that this is irrefutably untrue. But we live in an age where the knee jerk response is uttered immediately without time for reflection or research. The problem with this is that words once spoken are very difficult to take back and eating one's own words is an unpleasant experience. I know this from personal experience; in my twenties I was given to speaking out in a rush of anger before I'd checked my facts and on a couple of occasions had to give a grovelling apology and the experience taught me well!
There is a deep seated human reaction lurking beneath those who feel the need to belittle or denounce what I am doing. It is a response arising from discomfort. This discomfort comes from guilt. Those of us who live privileged lives have to engage in a certain amount of self deception and intentional ignorance in order to avoid the pain and guilt caused by acknowledging the huge imbalance in the share of wealth and resources in our world (and I include myself here). When someone points out the injustice of the situation, the comfort we derive from practising avoidance is unsettled and we come out fighting with justifications, attacks...anything that will help us re-establish the status quo as quickly as possible. The emotion I would ascribe to this reaction is Fear. 100% human, and one of the most frequent drivers of human beings.
What of the other response : For?
I have been really moved by this response because it comes from a sense of humility and generosity. Let me give you an example: I had a lunch time meeting this week in a local pub with two members of our Diocesan Staff; it had been planned for some weeks. Because of my Lent Challenge, they quietly picked up the bill. Rationally, they know I'm not in a financial pickle; I had explained how I could make it possible to pay for my lunch but they still responded with this discreet and simple act of generosity.
There is this other deep seated reaction that sees a fellow human being in need and reaches out and is prepared to sacrifice ones own interest for the sake of another. It is as instinctual as the defence mechanism described above but it emanates from a sense of ones own acceptance and value, not from guilt and shame.
We see this reaction around us all the time, too. Raising funds for charity, sharing with neighbours in need, campaigning for the good of the planet and so on. The emotion I would ascribe to this reaction is Love. 100% human and one of the most frequent drivers of human beings.
And Jesus said 'Perfect love casts out fear'.
Eva
My MP, Mark Garnier, was asked for his comments by The Shuttle when they carried the story of this Blog and its challenge. I have to hand it to him that he didn't take the disengenuous option of commending my efforts and thereby win himself brownie points with the Churches and other campaigners. Although, being truthful, I wonder whether that actually occurred to him, put on the spot as he was. I sense an irritation in his sweeping aside of my efforts with what appears to be a patronising comment. I suppose it is irritating when the Vicar does something that shines a negative spotlight on your Government's policies and you have to respond to it.
A few others have followed suit; apparently, I belong to the 'chattering classes' -whatever those really are - and I don't have a clue about the reality of those living in poverty. They clearly haven't read my Blog or they'd know that this is irrefutably untrue. But we live in an age where the knee jerk response is uttered immediately without time for reflection or research. The problem with this is that words once spoken are very difficult to take back and eating one's own words is an unpleasant experience. I know this from personal experience; in my twenties I was given to speaking out in a rush of anger before I'd checked my facts and on a couple of occasions had to give a grovelling apology and the experience taught me well!
There is a deep seated human reaction lurking beneath those who feel the need to belittle or denounce what I am doing. It is a response arising from discomfort. This discomfort comes from guilt. Those of us who live privileged lives have to engage in a certain amount of self deception and intentional ignorance in order to avoid the pain and guilt caused by acknowledging the huge imbalance in the share of wealth and resources in our world (and I include myself here). When someone points out the injustice of the situation, the comfort we derive from practising avoidance is unsettled and we come out fighting with justifications, attacks...anything that will help us re-establish the status quo as quickly as possible. The emotion I would ascribe to this reaction is Fear. 100% human, and one of the most frequent drivers of human beings.
What of the other response : For?
I have been really moved by this response because it comes from a sense of humility and generosity. Let me give you an example: I had a lunch time meeting this week in a local pub with two members of our Diocesan Staff; it had been planned for some weeks. Because of my Lent Challenge, they quietly picked up the bill. Rationally, they know I'm not in a financial pickle; I had explained how I could make it possible to pay for my lunch but they still responded with this discreet and simple act of generosity.
There is this other deep seated reaction that sees a fellow human being in need and reaches out and is prepared to sacrifice ones own interest for the sake of another. It is as instinctual as the defence mechanism described above but it emanates from a sense of ones own acceptance and value, not from guilt and shame.
We see this reaction around us all the time, too. Raising funds for charity, sharing with neighbours in need, campaigning for the good of the planet and so on. The emotion I would ascribe to this reaction is Love. 100% human and one of the most frequent drivers of human beings.
And Jesus said 'Perfect love casts out fear'.
Eva
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)